“No Marriage is Perfect?”
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I was attending to a married woman in my consulting room sometime ago; as part of the required information, I asked if she suffers from domestic violence, whether her husband usually beat her or not and she said, “No, my husband does not beat me o, except for the normal once in a while slapping whenever I offend him”.
That was the first time I would be hearing that there’s a form of beating that is normal.
I have also heard men saying that there’s no how a woman will not nag. So some men have conditioned their mind to such negative attitudes. They would say that nagging and mood swing is part of menstrual symptoms, and therefore normal.
Part of the few things I helped my fiancée (wife now) overcame during our courtship was the mood swing and this ‘innocent’ nagging… I refused to accept it as normal for a Christian to nag or have a mood that swings. I wasn’t authoritative about it but I made her see what Christ in her can do and it made all the difference.
Each time I hear people, especially those who are still single telling themselves that there’s no perfect marriage, I usually feel really sorry or maybe pity for them.
When you believe such statements and you accept it, you are simply setting up yourself for the type of marriage you do not deserve.
Sincerely speaking, you deserve nothing less than a perfect marriage, but since nothing good comes so easily, you will be prepared to work to make it work.
Now, this is my counsel, don’t set yourself up for an imperfect marriage life. You don’t have to endure your marriage when you can actually enjoy it.
Probably you have seen or heard about so many imperfect and terrible marriages and pessimism has fallen on you, making you to begin doubt if your own marriage also will be any different.
I have this to tell you, be optimistic and stop listening to the pessimistic utterances of failure from those who sank into the ocean of life while trying to sail to the sore of gold.
The fact that they sank into the ocean of life does not mean that others did not successfully sailed to the sore of gold.
For those who have had or having a failed marriage, all they will tell you is that there’s no perfect marriage.
However, it will be wise of you to go study them so you can know why they are failing and then look around for the marriages that are working, find out also how they are making it work.
More importantly, you can put in place the foundational structure on which your marriage will be built now that you are yet to marry.
I will write about the most important foundation to lay before you enter into marriage, it will be the last article I will write on the courtship series. If you are yet to read the previous articles, please take time to read them. This one is the sixth one. I will stop on the seventh series.
Ensure you’re in a relationship with the right person… preferably your friend or someone you can easily make friends with. This is very important. You don’t need someone who will be commanding you or punishing you as though they are your father or mother, you need a friend you can play with, who can correct you and still make you feel secure.
In relationship, don’t be overwhelmed by emotions, don’t ignore negative attitudes… If you see any, address it calmly with wisdom.
However, there are some negative attitudes that when you see, it will be an indication that you are courting either trouble or potential trouble.
When you notice that the person you want to marry is cheating. You don’t have to continue in such relationship. You don’t need to ask questions whether you should quit or not, simply use your common sense. A cheating fiancé/fiancée will still be a cheating husband/wife. Such person is not a Christian because God does not have a sinning child.
Marriage does not change much about people unless they have encounter with Jesus and get born again. Marriage will only change the nomenclature from fornication to adultery. That’s all. So, please act wise!
Secondly, don’t take an angry or a nagging partner for granted. I’m sure you don’t deserve a lifetime relationship with such person. Let your partner know sincerely that it is wrong of them to get angry or nag at you. Anyone who raises his/her voice or shout at you while you are still unmarried will slap or beat you when you marry.
Any habit taken into marriage multiplies, whether good or bad.
Finally, go study how your partner relate with or treat his/her siblings and parents because very soon, that’s the same way he/she will start treating you and your parents. If you notice anything you are not comfortable with, don’t be sentimental, talk frankly about it.
I can assure you that when you get things right in courtship or in your pre-wedding relationship, you will also get it right in marriage.
I pray that your marriage will be an example of a perfect, emulate-able one in Jesus name. Amen.
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